A godly wife said, “What really bothers me is that I can lose my temper
and just yell like him,” she said. “I swear when I’m really upset, and I
never used to do that. I’m ashamed of the way I talk to him (my
Scripture suggests we can be negatively influenced by those with whom we associate. How?
Solomon said, “He who walks with wise men will be wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm.” (Proverbs 13:20)
we will become like those with whom we associate. We tend to act like
them, think like them and even develop a lifestyle like them. We are
influenced by others.
What then, are we to do if that person is
our spouse? How do we guard against developing and accepting the habits
we even want them to change?
First, notice what is happening in your marriage.
We must first observe and monitor how we act and think. We must step
back and become clear with what is happening in our marriage and what
needs to change. What are the actions and words used that violate who
you want to be?
Second, ask yourself why you are reacting the way you are. Why
are you responding “in kind?” What is being said that is triggering
you? Is this a “raw spot” in your marriage? Are their patterns of
interacting that must be changed? If so, what are they and what is your
plan for changing them?
Third, identify how you should behave better.
We all can have an “ideal self” or ideal way of behaving that can guide
our thoughts and actions. Scripture, of course, will transform our
minds and guide us into needed change.
Fourth, create a plan for living within your “ideal self.”
Knowing what God has in mind for us, and how He wants us to think and
behave can be a strong motivator for change. What does God have to say
about how you are currently living your life?
Finally, cultivate accountability for ongoing growth and change.
Changing patterns of thinking and behavior cannot occur without a clear
plan and accountability for living out that plan. Do you have an
accountability partner and are you in a support group? Do you have
friends who know about how you want to change? If not, cultivate
accountability for change.
The unrest we feel about our lives is
the beginning seeds for change. Listen to your heart and attend to the
stirrings that indicate it is time for change. Take the preceding steps
and watch positive change occur.
[written by Dr. David B. Hawkins]