recipient of her home-cooked meals, wear the clean clothes she washed and folded
yesterday, and eat off the dishes she unloaded from the dishwasher. You may
share a bed with her, raise children with her, and even participate in keeping
the home in order. You love her and value her, and maybe you even tell her that
regularly.
But even if you do all of that, here are five things your wife
wishes you knew…
Sure, she might not get out of her pajamas
until noon, but she is still working. Work is part of being created in the image
of God (Gen. 1:27). Work existed long before compensation, so whether she is
paid or not, she is still working.
The hours look different than for
those who hold more traditional jobs, but that doesn’t diminish what she is
doing. Work is God’s means of loving the world through the labors of our hands.
She is doing that good work by cleaning the floors, making the home a safe and
welcoming place, and hosting weary friends. She is loving the world in the
grocery shopping, the meal planning, and even the training of
children.
Back when she was
punching a time clock (or getting a regular paycheck) she had a better gauge on
her work. She may have had performance reviews or even worked on a collaborative
team. These things made measuring her success easier. Of course, we know that
worldly success is not God’s standard (Eph. 6:7; Col. 3:23). But we are also
human, so we want to know that we are at least on the right track.
The
work of the home is mundane, ordinary, and often doesn’t bear fruit until years
later. The meal to a sick neighbor, the caring for children, the daily keeping
up with all that makes a family run smoothly is good work, but it’s work that is
behind the scenes and often unnoticed. She may be discouraged. She may want to
know that you see her work as valuable. Tell her.
When the Industrial Revolution
happened, work was divided sharply along gender lines. Fast forward many years
and we have also brought this gendered understanding of work into the home.
While she may be the one primarily in the home, and therefore the one who does
the bulk of the at-home work, all of us will give an account of how our homes
are used for the good of the world and God’s glory (Heb. 13:1–3).
In
Scripture, hospitality is a male and female command (1 Tim. 3:2; 1 Pet. 4:9).
Raising children is for both parents (Eph. 6:4). You may enjoy the work of the
home, or you may not, but the fact that you live there means you should be a
contributor to that work.
God did not intend for us to work in isolation.
No man (or woman) is an island. We were made for community and collaboration in
our work. We need people to share the load with us, to bounce ideas off of, and
to encourage us in our work.
In our current cultural model, this does not
happen very easily in the work of the home. In fact, it takes a lot of
intentionality to create community and collaboration in at-home work. It’s
lonely most days, doing work that is ordinary and mundane. If you spend your
days working in an environment that has more community than the one she has, she
will be served by your empathy toward her.
The home is a place of rest and
refuge for many. However, all your wife sees are the things that need to get
done. We follow in the pattern of our God who rested on the seventh day (Gen.
2:2). We rest, though, not because the work is complete, but because we are
finite. We are limited beings who cannot keep up the pace set for us in our
work.
But it’s hard when the work is where you live. It’s hard when the
work includes the people you love the most. Some days she may swing between
feeling like she may explode and feeling guilty that she needs a little time
away. Anticipating her need for rest will serve her, and will also give weight
to your acknowledgment that the work of the home is not her burden to bear
alone. You are both in this together, using your home for the good of God’s
world.
[written by Courtney Reissig, a wife and mother]
