some people seem to excel at whatever they do while others can never seem to get
a break? It seems some people always have a knack of fitting-in, knowing just
the right thing to say, getting every promotion and accolade as their careers
skyrocket.
Yet for others life feels more like a continuous
rollercoaster of dysfunction and chaos, with roadblocks at every
turn.
The reason is based in our intelligence, but not our
intellectual intelligence, or IQ.
leadership who wrote the best-seller Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter
More Than IQ, says. Goleman has dedicated his work to finding out what makes
people successful.
His research has concluded that success in life comes
down to their emotional intelligence or what I call ‘Emotional Abundance.’
That’s what drives a person to excel. In fact, 80% of a person’s success in life
is determined by their emotional skills while 20% is determined by their
intellect.
So if Emotional Abundance is so important, exactly what is it?
As I define in my new book, Peace For A Lifetime, Emotional Abundance
is:
The ability to feel our emotions, to reason through our emotions, to
understand our emotions, and to effectively manage our emotions so we can
appropriately respond to the people and circumstances around us. EA is the
capacity to meet the demands of everyday life and create meaning in order to
move forward in a positive direction.
I’ve found eight qualities in
Emotionally-Abundant people that are essential not just for our careers, but for
being able to successfully navigate through life and relationships.
1.
They’re more self-aware.
Individuals with Emotional Abundance are able
to accurately self-reflect. They know their personality, their core strengths
and weaknesses, as well as environments that will bring out the best in them.
They don’t allow their weaknesses to hold them back. Rather than beating
themselves up for what they don’t know or struggle to do well, they focus on
creating strategies to improve skill sets so they can achieve their
goals.
2. They live with balance.
Because they have a high
level of self-awareness, they instinctively know how to cultivate and maintain
balance in their lives. Whether at work or in their personal lives, they
understand how to take care of themselves well in order to be the best they can
be in every area of life. They eat well, get plenty of rest, and foster
interests outside of work to establish and enjoy a greater sense of
wellbeing.
3. They’re not perfectionists.
While
Emotionally-Abundant individuals are highly motivated and accomplished, they
recognize that perfection is impossible. Instead of creating an impossible cycle
of unrealistic expectations followed by frustration and shame, they focus their
energies on doing their best, maintaining flexibility, and learning from their
mistakes.
4. They’re curious about life.
They’ve learned to
cultivate an appreciation for varied and unique experiences. They are curious
and passionate, knowing how to explore and learn new concepts and skills. Their
curiosity makes them equally open to asking questions as well as to adapting to
new solutions. Curious people are delightful people who haven’t lost their
innate sense of wonder in a complex world of responsibilities.
5.
They’re empathetic with others.
An essential quality of EA, individuals
are well-skilled in their ability to relate to others. They can listen,
understand, and be empathetic with others thoughts, feelings, and experiences,
which allows them to reduce miscommunication and conflict both in the workplace
and in personal relationships.
6. They’re
growth-oriented.
They aren’t afraid of change. Because they are open to
learning new things, they embrace growth as a necessary and important part of
life. They are eager to accept challenges and usually adapt well even under
difficult circumstances. In seeing the bigger picture, they can mobilize
internal strategies to adjust and energize around new problems and
circumstances.
7. They’re grateful.
Living with gratitude has
an enormous impact on our level of Emotional Abundance. People who have a
grateful disposition look for things big and small for which they can be
thankful. They are generally satisfied with life and rarely allow negative
feedback or people to influence their lives or their decisions.
8.
They bring out the best in others.
Because they are at peace with
themselves, people with EA are able to see coworkers and friends not as threats,
but as assets. They do not feel the need to be defensive with others, but
instead create a safe environment in which others can thrive. They love to see
others reach their potential and are motivated by cooperation rather than
competition.
How many of these qualities are you able to identify? Do
some seem to come naturally while others seem overwhelming?
The best news
about Emotional Abundance is that it can be cultivated and nurtured throughout
our lives. Where we are today does not have to determine our future.
The
more we grow Emotional Abundance in our lives, the more stable, positive, and
productive our lives become, and the less chaotic, reactive, and hopeless our
relationships feel. This is the single greatest area we could invest in for
ourselves, our children, and our futures so that we can achieve our best
life.
[written by Lisa Murray]
