We have all, at
some point or another, felt the pain of a damaged relationship. Whether it be a
parent, child, coworker or friend, we have hurt and been hurt. Our lives are
busy and we can find ourselves distracted. Sometimes we are filled with pride
and cannot see the perspective of another. Sometimes we avoid our sins and
downfalls like the plague.
Broken relationships are the result of a
broken world. They are bound to happen. Yet the disappointment, heartbreak, and
emptiness never seem to sting us any less.
to future hurt or grappling with the process of forgiveness.
“Forgive us
of our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us,” we say in the
Lord’s Prayer. As Christians if we choose to follow a Christ-like life, we
cannot lock our hearts to hurt. We must choose the path to forgiveness every
time. What does that look like? Where do we even begin?
1. Emotionally (and physically) step back.
Sometimes, out of
sheer desperation, we find ourselves overcrowding our thoughts and hearts with a
relationship gone wrong. Where did we go wrong? What could we have done to avoid
this? Will the relationship be able to recover?
It exhausts us! When we
emotionally, and even physically, step back from a relationship, we are able to
come to grips with our current emotional and spiritual state. We are able to
understand ourselves and our situation with a more rational perspective. We are
able to better take care of ourselves.
The answer to mending
relationships never begins with impatience or a distracted heart. Jesus tells
us, “Peace be with you,” for a reason!
2. Go to church.
What better place to begin cleansing your
soul than with Jesus? Church is not made for the perfect, it is a place for the
sick. It is a house for those that need healing.
Even if it takes all of
you–loneliness, heartbreak, defeat and all–take a seat and listen to Word.
Listen to the message for the service. God knows every corner of your heart. How
is He using this time for your spiritual, emotional, and physical healing?
3. Examine your conscience.
There are two sides of every
story. Because there is hurt, misunderstanding, and pain in a certain
relationship, there is dissonance in the stories. Without excuses, where have
you fallen short in this relationship? Where might you have sinned?
None
of us are perfect. When your child screamed at you, did you scream back? When
your friend did something that disagreed with you, did you gossip? When your
parents asked something of you, did you disobey? When your coworker asked for a
favor, did you make an excuse (lie)?
Understand your faults. The first
step to recovery is admitting there is a problem.
Once you understand your faults, find the
solutions.
So your child has a temper and can lash out; how can you
de-escalate the situation in the future? So your friend is behaving unfavorably;
can you make time to sit down and confront the situation?
How can you
remain an example of Christ in situations that have headed south or are heading
south fast?
5. Practice your virtues.
It is not enough to call ourselves
Christian by name. We are also required to act like it. In the breaking points,
when we find ourselves at our wit’s end, our pride can be at an all-time high.
Why can’t they see my side? Don’t they see how much they hurt me? They have to
apologize first.
In these moments, it is most important to practice
humility. It’s important to practice our patience. It’s important to show
perseverance and not give up. Jesus humbled himself for us, dying on a cross.
Jesus is patient with us through our sins and setbacks. Jesus pursues us again
and again, no matter how many times we fail him.
To follow Christ, we
must follow in His example in all aspects of our lives and act as he
would.
Contrition: the state of feeling
remorse. In some situations, we will need to be the first to reach out. At this
point, we’ve reflected on the relationship. We understand what went wrong and we
know the ideal solution.
From here, we have to step back into the ring.
We must face our loved one–family, friend or coworker–and communicate with
contrition. This requires serious humility and patience. When we communicate
with contrition, we show our loved ones that we value their relationship over
our differences and past transgressions.
We are sorry for the turn our
relationship has taken, and we want to recover from it.
Let’s be honest: Depending on the relationship,
it may not be restored right away. If this relationship has been damaged for a
long time, there is healing that the loved one will have to go through in order
to bring their best self back to you.
Remember that you have built
yourself up for this moment. It is their turn to take personal stock of their
emotional and spiritual state. Sometimes all we can do is show patience and a
willingness to cooperate and support the other.
Finally, do not forget to shower
your relationships with love and compassion. Answer every situation with love,
just as the Lord answers to us with only love. Broken relationships are hard;
they hurt and we hate to suffer. Yet Jesus suffered for us so that we could be
saved. Let us suffer for those we love, because these relationships are worth
saving too.
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does
not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking,
it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in
evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always
hopes, always perseveres.” (1 Corinthians 13:4-7)
[written by Mindy
Fitterling]
